lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
