I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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