Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
