I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
