I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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