Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
