I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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