the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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