final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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