ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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