Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
