I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Are my feet made of real feet?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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