Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
should my penis look like a turkey
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
