Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
