What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
