I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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