you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
