shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
