I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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