it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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