i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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