Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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