I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
