If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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