this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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