He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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