The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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