he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
