Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
