this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
