so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
