Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Also, beer. Big fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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