so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
