i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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