you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
