i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
