Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
