I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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