I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
