Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
