Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
