i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
