Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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