My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
