Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
