I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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