so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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