No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
