I accidentally burped into my bong.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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