Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
