y did u give ur computer a hand job?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
