Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
