After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
