alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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