At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
