I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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