Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
