I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
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shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
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It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.