ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..