Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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