I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
another moral hangover. fuck.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
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Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
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Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank