how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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