so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.