my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
