1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
