Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
