Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
