What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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