I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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