brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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