Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
