Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the day after is always just damage control
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize