sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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