my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
