forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
this will be a night to untag.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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