You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
