I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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