You can't motorboat a personality
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
