This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
