the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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