So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Randomize
