even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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