College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Randomize
