Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
