what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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