He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
