The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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